There’s a mixture of fake relationship fics with a couple of marriage of convenience thrown in. This was requested by shazzaholmes. It will be added to as new fics are discovered. [22 fics]
- A Case of Identity by jkay1980 [AO3] 91k, teen - John and Sherlock have succeeded in rebuilding their friendship after Sherlock’s fake suicide, but an unusual case puts their relationship to the test. They pretend to be engaged and attend a marriage counseling workshop. Under the pretext of the case, Sherlock turns out to be a master of seduction, and John finally learns he might like Sherlock more than he thought.
- Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy [AO3] 30k, explicit - “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk. “Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”
- Covert by Megg33k [AO3] 15k, explicit - Sherlock and John go undercover at a gay bar.
- A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 [AO3] 81k, explicit - They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.
- A Kiss and a Cuddle Should be Sufficient by Evenlodes Friend [fanfiction.net] 7.5k, explicit -Going undercover, Sherlock and John pursue a vicious killer to a gay group sex party. Not unexpectedly, things get a little out of hand.
- Once More, With Feeling by redcarrigan [AO3] 21k, teen - To put off his meddlesome, matchmaking mother, John convinces Sherlock to play the role of his significant other. Unparalleled awkwardness ensues.
- A Bit Backwards by p.r. fox [fanfiction.net] 3k, general - Love, John muses, is sort of like a Quentin Tarantino film. Except not really.
- A Silver Sixpence by _doodle [LJ] 16k, explicit - “We need to get married,” Sherlock announced loudly as he came into the living room, waking John from his nap.
- That Partitioning of the Things of Youth by wearitcounts [AO3] 35k, explicit - Victor Trevor is in town, and nobody’s happy.
- The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst [AO3] 47k, teen - Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock’s faked death and return.
- Rainbow Hearts Retreat by PajamaSecrets [AO3] 11k, explicit - “It’s a same-sex couples retreat. For those experiencing troubles in their relationship. Consists of group and couples therapy as well as encouraging socialization between the couples. It’s all in their incredibly dull brochure.”
- A Contest of Wills - JanecShannon [AO3] 3.1k, teen - Mrs. Turner’s married ones decided to renew thier vows. The problem? John shares a wall with their bedroom and they are being very… enthusiastic… about the reawakening of thier passion. Sherlock decides to give them a taste of their own medicine.
- The Newlywed Game by patternofdefiance [AO3] 9k, explicit - What it says on the tin: John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it’s for a case. Of course it doesn’t stay that way.
- A Marriage of Convenience by Phuchka [AO3] 43k, explicit - You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of The Honourable Sherlock Holmes, Alpha, younger brother of the Earl of Sherrinford with Mr. John Watson, Omega, son of Mr. Howard Watson, chairman of the City Bankers Guild. (mpreg)
- Declarations of Mutual Devotion by waketosleep [AO3] 2k, teen - “We should really get married.” John stared at the red mark on his wrist. “I’m sorry, what?
- The Troubles Of Marriage Counselling by starjenni [LJ] 2.5k, teen - Sherlock and John go to marriage counselling. Hilarity and angst happen in equal measures.
- Bells Are Ringing by Basingstoke [AO3] 1.3k, teen - “Oh bloody fucking DAMN!” Sherlock shouted, apropos of nothing. John nearly dropped his tea. John turned and found Sherlock shaking his passport. “Mycroft made me French.”
- Sherlock Holmes & The Mysterious Ex by Gatergirl79 [fanfiction.net] 27k, explicit - Sherlock and John are forced to spend Christmas with Sherlock’s family. An unsettling idea especially when John will have to play ‘Boyfriend’ thanks to Mycroft. But why exactly does Sherlock want to avoid a family party?
- Disguises are always a self-portrait by yellowteapots [AO3] 6.2k, not rated - Sherlock drummed his fingers on the arm rest irritably. “We might as well get our stories straight. Homosexuals, even alleged ones, tend to be more personal than heterosexual couples. ” They were headed to a Pride Fest for a case-triple suicide/murder- which, of course mean they had to pretend to be couple.
- There’s Not A Place On Earth I’d Rather Be Than Here by EverdeenFrayPotter [AO3] 6.1k, teen - Sherlock and John go undercover as a couple to a ball, to provide suitable evidence to convict a killer. There’s dancing, and kissing, and something about a murder.
- The Pretence of an Unacknowledged Truth by stickleworting [AO3] 28k, explicit - He’s decided to just be himself, cliché as it sounds. The lie about being Sherlock’s mate will be difficult enough to keep up, he’s not going to think up more of a charade regarding himself on top of that. (no mpreg)
- John Watson’s Twelve Days of Christmas by earlgreytea68 [AO3] 53k, mature - It’s the holiday season. John Watson needs money. Sherlock Holmes needs something else.
This is preeeeeeeeeetty much my fave trope. So, yeah. Automatic reblog.
“He didn’t say a word, and I gave up trying, because you couldn’t hear either one of us over the shattering noise of hearts breaking and the looming shadows of the last words, the ones we refused to say.”
It kills me that the trope here is…wild girl tamed by her boyfriend. PIZZA, HE SAYS. He’s always speaking for her, or ‘translating’ for her. He’s always grooming her, or telling her what’s not acceptable and what is, when it comes to being a girl. I had a dude friend like this, who would always say these little, cutting things about the way I looked or acted or behaved, or about the things I liked. He implied if I made certain changes, he MIGHT fuck me. Like I was even his to have.
The more I see Stiles in a relationship with Malia, the less I like him. How about letting your wild coyote girlfriend be wild and like eating deer meat? Like, why not be like “Uhhhh. Maybe we could…find some ground venison at the co-op? Or at least venison jerky?? Is that ok??” but instead Stiles is always like “Oh silly woman, that’s not how you be a real girl!” And they play it off for laughs. I get that she needs help assimilating, but like. It’s all we get from their relationship, really (other than the fact that he LIES to her) and it’s really kind of gross. ughhhhhhhhhh. Gross and annoying.
Everything that I couldn’t put into words. She is more than he can tame, and he is too narrow minded.
I apologize if this becomes a Braeden-focused blogActually, no I don’t. Because jesus DO YOU FUCKING SEE HER?! DID YOU SEE HER TONIGHT? OMG I’M CRUSHING SO HARD IT’S UNDIGNIFIED!!!!
this video is so vital to me
okay but this video is actual proof that if you take scenes with John and Sherlock and add romantic music to the background it is undeniably gay like
how are you gonna bromance this????
Proof that actually Sherlock is at heart just a romcom.
Imagine Hogwarts after the Battle, after the War, sure –
But imagine Hogwarts’ students, after their year with the Carrows and Snape.
Imagine a tiny little first-year whose porcupine pincushions still have quills, but to whom Fiendfyre comes easily. The second-year who tried to go back, to fight; whose bravado got Professor Sinistra killed, as she pushed him out of the way of a Killing Curse. The third-year who perfectly brewed poisons, hands shaking, wishing for the courage to spike the Carrows’ cups. The fourth-year who throws away all of their teacups, their palmistry guidebooks, because what use is Divination if it didn’t see this coming? The fifth-year who can barely remember what O.W.L.S. are, let alone that she was supposed to take them. The sixth-year who can’t manage Lumos to save their life, but whose proficiency with the Cruciatus Curse rivals Bellatrix’s.
Imagine the seventh-year who laughs until he cries, thinking about the first-years who will fall asleep in History of Magic while their story is told.
Imagine the Muggleborn first-years left alive, if there are any: imagine what they think of the magical world, when their introduction to it was Death Eaters and being tortured – by their classmates –for having been born.
Imagine the students who went home to their parents (or guardians, or wards, or orphanages) and showed them what they’d learned: Dark curses, hexes, Unforgiveables; that Muggles are filth, animals, lesser. Who, yes, still can’t transfigure a match into a needle – but Mum, there’s a hex that can make you feel as though you’re being stabbed with thousands. (Don’t ask them how they know.)
Imagine the students who will never be able to see Hogwarts as home.
Imagine the students Hogwarts has left, when it starts up again – the lack of Muggleborns, blood-traitors, half-bloods, dead and gone – the lack of purebloods; the Ministry would have chucked everyone of age (and possibly just below) in Azkaban for Unforgiveables, wouldn’t they?
Imagine how few students there are left to teach; imagine how few teachers are left to teach them.
Imagine the students who can’t walk past a particular classroom, who can’t walk through a hallway, who can’t walk into the Great Hall without having a panic attack or breaking down. Imagine the school-wide discovery that the carriages aren’t horseless after all; that everyone, from the firsties to the teachers, can see Thestrals.
Imagine the memorials, the heaps of flowers and mementoes – in every other corner, hallway, classroom; every other step you take on the grounds.
Imagine the ghosts.
Imagine the students destroying Snape’s portrait, using the curses, hexes, even Fiendfyre they’ve been taught how to wield – it has to be restored nearly every week; Snape stays with Phineas Nigellus semi-permanently. (None of the other portraits will welcome him. His reasons do not excuse his conduct.)
Imagine the students unable to trust each other – everyone informed on everyone, your best friend might turn you in.
Imagine the guilt that everyone carries (it should have been me, it’s my fault s/he’s dead, I told on them, it’s all my fault), the students incapable of meeting each other’s eyes because it’s my fault your best friend, your sibling, your Housemate, your boy/girlfriend is dead.
Imagine the memorials piled high with the wands of the dead. Imagine the memorials piled high with the self-snapped wands of the living.
Imagine the students who are never able to produce a Patronus.
Imagine Boggarts being removed from the curriculum because Riddikulus is near impossible to grasp, even for the sixth- and seventh-years. Because their friends and families dead will never, ever be funny.
Imagine the students for whom magic feels tainted.
Imagine the students who leave the wixen world – hell, the students who leave Britain entirely, because there’s nothing left for them there.
Imagine the students who never use magic again.
(From the mind of the wonderful lavenderpatil, a keen look at how students might be after war.)Reblogging this kickass post by the equally kickasslavenderpatilbecause everyone should read it